I deleted my last update because it was another whinefest, but this is my latest journal, and, well, it's a bit more retrospective and cathartic in scope.
After some talks with a friend on Facebook, I have come to realize that I lack conviction & confidence in my kaiju fiction. You may ask why, but I don't really know. I guess my main issue, and this is something me and my mom discussed today when I visited her at her place, is that I tend to want people to like my project, and I am worried that if they don't, than my efforts would be for not. This, and she basically asking if I have decided on my main monster's appearance (besides it's type), and I could not answer her, kind of prove it.
Let's get this out straight, while I do feel that I can keep the title the Behemoth Chronicles for my story, I haven't done really anything with the concept, as of yet. My creativity has slow to a crawl, and I seem to be lacking in that drive to do it. Now, does that mean that I am quitting or going to throw a fit? No, I'm just thinking things through, and taking my time. Another thing I could state is instead of treating this as a race to the finish/have to get it done affair, I prefer to take my time, iron out my characters and world, and hopefully get something that I would like.
I also want to apologize a bit to , since he drew that picture of Leonidas, even though I might not being using him (or at least the version that he drew) for my series. One bad thing about fan art, once you decide to change something.
While I did say pretty much that my issue is worrying about how people would feel about my creations, I do think the friends I do have, either if they give me good advice (even if I end up ignoring it at times) and/or support. I don't even mind some of the criticisims that I got, because I know I deserve it.
Really, what it boils down to is that I just need to reconnect to my inner child, sit down, write/draw some stuff, and stop giving a shit. If a monster happens to look like another, I will work on it until it doesn't. If I do post it online, it's merely to show my progress, not to ask for advice on the direction (I'm ok with a opinion or two, but when it comes down to the features of the Original Kaiju, I should be the one with the final say).
Yeah, I know, I'm repeating the same shit, as always. It's just that, I'm 34 years old my friends, I need to just fucking grow up and grow a spine.